Transformers: I Watch Them So You Don't Have To

I miss my childhood. I don't understand the film industry. I wish I wasn't a slave to the media. This movie like all other adaptations will have it's critics. Most of the time (at least on the Internet) it comes from the frustration that a million stories have been told about these characters. And since its a new medium (comic / cartoons to big screen) you could cherry pick all the good stuff and make something new. That is why Marvel Studios continues to show their genius.

What does this movie have? Farting robots. Pooping robots. Crying robots. Racistly portrayed robots. Backtalking robots. Robot testicles. I didn't make a single one of those things up.

Also its 2 hours and 29 minutes long (plus the now standard 20 minutes of previews).

And you know what, I'm going to spoil the plot for you for two reasons. One reason is that the "plot" takes up about 2 minutes of the runtime. And also, because if you're going to see it, you're not going because you heard the plot was awesome. The Decepticons want to destroy the sun to manufacture energon. Remember energon cubes!?!?!? Well, we don't get to see any. Mentioned only in passing.

The mixture of Michael Bay to Steven Spielberg is way out of proportion this time. The first movie seemed like it was born of two worlds (like A.I., which Milbo loves!!!). After the first one made kajillions, MB (Bay and I are very tight) went balls out (literally in the case of Devastator).

I dare anyone to guess 100% whether each Transformer on screen is a Autobot or Decepticon during fight scenes. Even during the slow mo fighting it still takes a second or two to orient yourself. There are millions of colors available to all automobiles. Use some. Not all jets are silver.

It's just mostly sad to see such a wasted opportunity. Especially with the money they get to make these things. They only made one correction this time. They added Soundwave and he shoots out one of his notorious animals from his chest. That's it. I think the reason I am sick today is that my body had a physical response to the film.

If you liked the first one, you'll most likely enjoy the second one. I am not a fan, but still had to get in to this one with the hope it was better than what came before it. Not the case.

Did you enjoy it?

No

Would you see it in theaters again?
No

Would you rent it?

No

Would you buy it?

No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?

No