The Room: A Trio of Reviews

For our trio of actors above, we have a trio of reviewers from the Chicago screening at the Music Box Theatre last weekend....Please to enjoy

(Mark) Do you know what "The Room" even is? I did not, until the day before I saw it when I looked it up on Wikipedia.

(JWalk) "Keep Your Stupid Comments In Your Pocket" - SESTERO! Never has a movie-going experience exceeded expectations as profoundly as "The Room".

(Gabe) Wow. Just wow. I feel with a level of certainty that if you gave me $6 million to make a movie, I could do a better job. But my movie would not be the family viewing experience that The Room provides.

I learned that in Los Angeles, and to a smaller degree, in other parts of the U.S., this movie had garnered a large cult following not unlike "The Rockey Horror Picture Show". Apparently people yell at the screen at certain parts of the movie, throw plastic spoons, and even throw footballs around. This did not really rouse my interest all that much.

I expected the production to be shoddy at best. And it is, but so irrevocably wrong that to describe it would be like giving you an example of what an understatement is. I expected the dialogue to be laughable in it's awfulness. It is, but it is the truly head-scratching lines that elevate them to some of the most quotable phrases ever uttered on screen. "Anyway, how is your sex life?" I was expecting the acting to mostly suffer from the aforementioned dialogue. But of course, the dialogue is only a lump in the neck of what is a flux of incompetent performances, lead by Tommy Wiseau, the enigmatic, performance-enhanced writer/director/star/muttonhead of "The Room", and the dashingly douchey Greg Sestero.

Recently this film has been gaining a lot of momentum. And rightfully so. It’s more along the lines of Troll 2 than Transformers 2 (by which comparison I mean that both are terrible but in wildly different ways). You read the reviews and articles. You watch the small clips on YouTube, but you really can’t grasp it until you get the whole thing in one sitting.

I like to go see movies in silence so that I can pay attention to the whole movie experience, from the dialouge to the cinematography, to the music. Why "The Room" works so well is that you don't wan't/need to pay attention to any of that stuff. Everyone is yelling and laughing and throwing things and having a great time.

The movie fails in nearly every possible way. It is the motion picture equivalent to a sheet of white construction paper. Thick, coarse and just so completely unnecessary. But the high-five is, this was one of the best experiences I have ever had at the cinemodeum. At any given moment you could hear shouts of familiar observations or ridiculous phrases from the film. You could be struck in the shoulder with a barrage of plastic spoons; or in my face's case, a stray football. It was mad and wonderful.

In preparation for this movie going experience, I asked a friend who had seen it for the first time a month earlier, what to expect. She said “bring a football you’re willing to lose and make sure you have lots of plastic spoons”. So my team was ready from the get-go. With the friendly nature at the venue I gladly handed out some extra spoons to neighbors sitting close to us.

It's like a 6 year old's birthday party, but without the cake and the peeing in the pants. Although I did laugh so hard on occasion that it was touch and go at times. Go see this movie in the theatre as soon as possible, and bring plenty of plastic spoons.

There were often moments where it was actually quite difficult to hear several lines of dialogue, which seemed upsetting at times, but made the lulls in audience participation all the more worthwhile - a collective sigh in which we all seemed to dwell in the absurdity of what we were watching. And those were the most memorable moments. When you just had to stop shouting or laughing, widen your eyes, grab your forehead and shake your head in amazement. It is all too real, and all too spectacular, to fathom. I specifically have to applaud the man sitting in the 5 o'clock position of our seats for his phenomenally witty quips throughout the movie. I'll most likely be taking them with me to my next viewing.

The only complaint I have is the same one I have of most Chicago crowds, too rowdy. I have been to concerts where people have been so obnoxious that I wanted to take action that goes against everything in my nature. Now, to be fair, this is supposed to be the movie venue for this type of reaction. But the one guy up front, yelling out incoherent gibberish the whole time? Take it down a notch, buddy.

And now, the Krull Nugget Kriteria:

Did you enjoy it?

Yes.
Yes.
Yes, more than I ever should.

Would you see it in theaters again?

Yes. I'm already excited for the next time it rolls into town.
Yes.
Definitely. If it's here, I'm there!

Would you rent it?

No. Only way to watch it is with a group. I throw enough spoons at the TV from my home as it is.

Never

No. I would never want to watch this privately. Nor would I want to expose someone else to it without the theater experience.

Would you buy it?

Hellllllll no.
Never (unless I was planning a large watching party)
No.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?

No. I would have watched it from Adult Swim last April Fool's Day, but I'm glad I got to experience it with an audience.
Maybe, just to experience it's horribleness without the fun.
Yes, as long as I was alone.

The Hurt Locker

Hurt Locker:

A place where you might find yourself after a long night of consuming alcoholic beverages.

A figurative place where someone is said to be or will be, if they are getting or expect to be getting hurt or beaten.

A place where damaging things and evilness is hidden as in where bush and the rr fundiematics and other repgunicans keep their lies and plans to destroy the constitution and free thought.

In this case, I think they're referring to the third definition. The movie is the story of an Iraqi Bomb Defusing Squad. You've already clicked away to Perez Hilton's site instead. You're so bored of war movies. We'll you're a fool. I know everyone seems to be indifferent to this current state of war we are in. I know that the constant threat of terror since 2001 has left you numb. Well, don't worry. While you're getting an acurate (I can only assume) portrail of war, you're also getting a nail biting thriller of an action movie.

We follow 3 military men who work together to diffuse bombs. What kind? All kinds? Car bombs, buried bombs, human bombs (two of them!). So those of you who loved the bomb in a person storyline on Grey's Anatomy move your ass to theaters immediately.

There's the crazy Bomb Tech played by Jeremy Renner (most recently seen on ABC's the Unusuals). We have the levelheaded Sergeant who collides with the bomb tech. And don't forget the Specialist, who thinks about dying all day everyday. These are the three you spend the majority of the movie ride along.

You also get what amount to basically cameos by Guy Pierce, David Morse, Ralph Fiennes and Evangeline Lilly. All lending their talent in support of this film.

Now this movie is definitely under the radar. In a summer where you are expected to have your senses decimated (thank you Trans2), this one will actually do a number on your nerves. You feel for these guys. You count down the days with them. Their pain is your pain. It's quite a feat. The person behind the lense is Katherine Bigelow, who you may remember, taught us what awesome bank robbers surfers could be (as well as getting a decent performance out of Gary Busey before he went off the deep end).

You've already taken your girl to (500) days of Summer. Now is the time to cash in your chips and get your date to see Hurt Locker with you. If you're looking for action, there is plenty to be had here. Unless you're the guy who was sitting behind me who started choking on popcorn the second the movie started and then subsequently fell asleep for the second half of the movie. I assume he just wanted to go someplace with A/C.

Did you enjoy it?
Yes.

Would you see it in theaters again?
Yes.

Would you rent it?
Yes.

Would you buy it?
No.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
Yes.

The Room is playing

Bring your spoons.

See you at midnight.

Harry Potter and the almost completed series

I'm old. "Hey, you want to go to the midnight show of the new Potter?" Totally. I love those movies. I read all the books (well, listened to the last one on my iPod, but still).

Never again.

There are movies I am willing to see at Midnight. Halloween. Manitou. The Room. But I think I'm at the point where my days of seeing new movies at midnight are over. Especially ones that open on a Wednesday. I'm not saying I didn't have a good time. There are only about 4 friends I can talk Potter with, and two of them were there. But there were also 500 teenagers. Talking, sleeping, dressed up, acting a fool. I look back fondly on those days as a kid (last year, FYI). But now as I grow into the skin of a grumpy old man, I like my space. I like my sleep.

So on to the movie. You know the story, you read the book. If you didn't, then you don't care. The only thing you need to know is that as the books got better, so have the movies. Both in their cinematic scope and story.

Also, Emma Watson will be hot in 10 years (I can't say that now without being put on an internet watch list).

Did you enjoy it?

Yes.

Would you see it in theaters again?

Yes. IMAX.

Would you rent it?

Yes.

Would you buy it?

Nerp. Can't start now. Plus the first 2 suck and you'd want a complete set.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?

Yes.

(500) Days of Summer seems like a bit much

Let's start at the end, what a great movie. A true romantic comedy. A love story based in reality. It still gives you the warm mushy feelings without hilarious misunderstandings, cutesy coincidence or evil bad boyfriends out to sabotage everything.

I saw Mysterious Skin a few years ago based on a couple of reviews. Since then, I will always perk up if I hear that Joseph Gordon Levitt is in it. He's the current male version of 90's Parker Posey. The Lookout, Brick, Mysterious Skin. He really knows how to pick them. He's even good in the teen comedy 10 Things I Hate About You. Next month he gets to play Cobra Commander in the GI Joe movie. Who's excited? This guy!

Next up, we have the lovely lady Zooey Deschanel. After her dead eye role in The Happening, I thought the shine was off but she's back on course. She's adorable, she's mysterious, she's quirky. We fall in love with her the same time that Tom does.

The movie is not told in chronological order. We jump from day 498, to 31, to 42 to 156. And the pacing is all the better for it. There's a mystery where we try to figure out the moment it all went wrong.

For those couples heading to the multiplex, please see this before anything else. Guys out there, just suggest it to your lady and you'll be thanked repeatedly. If they suggest it, tell them you will go but they owe you one. Its win win.

Did you enjoy it?

Yes.

Would you see it in theaters again?

Yes.

Would you rent it?

Yes.

Would you buy it?

Possibly. I could give it as a gift to my lady and then I still own it.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?

Yes.

This is not being "Donkered"

It's been a quiet week at the old Krull Nugget. Work is busy. Sorry for neglecting you, KN. I will be back next week with at least 2 movie reviews, a post about the worst haircut in the world and a little hype article about THE ROOM!!!!!! I may wait until next Saturday for that one.

Until then, stay gold, ponyboy.

Did you know Bruno & Borat are related?

The ads for Bruno are doing a good job of tying it to Borat, SBC's other character. He's now gotten all his characters on TV. That's an impressive feat. I think he should take a shot putting Ali G back on the screen. The problem with that film was he wasn't using real people. One more time to make people look like idiots.

When Borat came I out I don't think I had ever laughed that hard in my life. The ridiculous nature of how much people will put up with was astounding. I really don't think I have laughed that hard since. Bruno tries to beat that record, but doesn't quite get there. It is the same basic bare bones formula. Replace ignorant other culture man with uber homosexual. That's it. Find people to make fun of.

I won't go into any of the specific jokes. It's best to enjoy them without being spoiled in advance. I will say my favorite part was the celebrity interview on his TV pilot. My lungs still hurt from laughing.

There's really no plot, he's trying to get famous instead of learning about America. If you liked Borat and aren't homophobic (or afraid of seeing a giant penis on the screen) then you'll like Bruno.

Did you enjoy it?
Yes

Would you see it in theaters again?
No

Would you rent it?
Yes

Would you buy it?
No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
Yes

Public Enemy Number One

I remember last year cruising down Lincoln Ave and being transported back to the 1930's. Now I've seen it on screen for a few brief moments. What an interesting film. After reading some of the critic reviews, I was very jazzed to see this movie. In actuality, I thought it might turn out to be the pick of the summer. While it didn't quite get to that level, what we have here is a pretty good movie.

It starts in 1933. Dillinger is already a big time bank robber. He's working to get some of his buddies back together so they can move on to the next big heist. That's what I found most surprising. The thing that he is famous for (robbing banks) is almost an afterthought in the movie. Don't get me wrong. There are robberies. There are shootouts. But it's more about the man than about his occupation.

You may be charmed by him, but you're not necessarily rooting for him. He doesn't quite get to the Robin Hood level. This movie paints what I would assume is a very accurate portrayal of the man.

What about the cops trying to catch him. Well, you don't really root for them either. Again, like Michael Mann movies, there is no black and white, just shades of gray. Christian Bale tones down his inner grumpy, but that doesn't mean he cracks a smile once (I'm starting to believe his face is incapable of making that expression).

I guess I was hoping for a historical version of HEAT, which this is not. This will be remembered as a minor work for Michael Mann. But for Depp, it reminds people of his gifted range. I had almost forgotten what a good actor he was. Sure he was great in the first Pirates movie, but the other ones were a waste of time for him (and me, you owe me 5 hours!).

Basically, you get the benefit of an accurate historical drama, but that also becomes it's Achilles heel. You wish is was a little more Hollywood or a little more realistic. This one lands smack dab in the middle.

Did you enjoy it?
Yes

Would you see it in theaters again?
No

Would you rent it?
Yes

Would you buy it?
No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
Yes

They Say the Heart of Rock & Roll is Still Beating (...in Cleveland)

I have loved Huey Lewis since Sports putting us at or around '83. I went crazy for them. Bought all the tapes, played them over and over. And you know what, still do.

There was a time when my family had some friends come in town. I don't remember their names but I remember playing Power of Love until they finally just told me they liked the band (it had to be at least 20 times).

When the Family Center (our version of Pamida or Ben Franklin) got Picture This I begged my dad to let me buy it, even though the store was closed. My uncle Sark said he would let me get it the 2nd Tuesday of next week (being that there is only one Tuesday every week, he meant I would never get to have it).

The biggest disappointment I ever had was the time I was in Mason City at the mall. This was a simpler time. Before the internet. I was at Musicland browsing. With my curious mind (I must be some level of telekinetic) I went to the register to ask if they knew when Huey Lewis might be releasing a new album. It just so happened that Small World was coming out tomorrow. They told me they had the tapes in back but I couldn't buy it. I could not understand why they'd have stock and a willing buyer and not sell it to me. That was way before I knew anything about "release dates". Ugh.

I have seen Huey Lewis and the News twice. Once I got to see them at Hilton Coliseum during the Fore! tour. He wore a Canadian tuxedo and couldn't have been cooler. The second time was a few years ago in Las Vegas for my friend Ryan's bachelor party. This show was a big disappointment for one reason, it is their time post Four Chords and Several Years Ago. That means their show, despite many hit singles to play, is filled with old cover songs. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?!?!?!?!? But it was good to see them still in action. And I love Ryan!

Recently A couple years ago I discovered that my lady loves one Huey Lewis song (that she knows of). It's the cover of Cruisin' that he did with Gweneth Paltrow. XOXO. Just another reason that she's the best.

To sum up. I love Huey Lewis & the News. Deal with it. It's like that episode of South Park where they sing Come Sail Away and it makes Cartman have to sing the whole song before he can do anything else. But don't try it on me.

*This was originally going to be about my favorite bands, but turned into just the main one.

And.Here.We.Go. -Joker

John Krasinski has found his Garden State.

This one almost got away. There was an advance screening that I couldn't make. My friends got to go. Three out of four really liked it. One was not so sure. I've been trying to see it for a few weeks and thought it might turn into a "best intentions" rental. But today I got there. And boy am I glad I did.

I'm on the fence about the director, Sam Mendes. Last winter I had one of my worst cinema experiences with Revoluntionary Road. What a dismass turd. I like drama, but that was torture. So I was a little skeptical for this one. Regardless of Dave Eggers penning the script. Regardless of Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski.

This one tiptoes across a tightrope of quirk and emotion. I think it is most like Goldie Locks and the Three Bears. The movie is more like one of those series of short stories or vignettes. They range from good to tolerable. I would say the best is the visit to the sister and the worst being the visit to the cousin. I try not to spoil, so I won't go into greater detail.

Maya Rudolph was a big question mark going into this film. That was the main complaint by my friend who attended the advanced screening. I think she's a standout here. And I went in watching her with a close eye. She gives a very subtle performance. A lot is conveyed with the quieter moments by her. Krasinski also lands on the right side of the fence. He tries to ham it up but does so in a convincing way. The man can handle the words Eggers has given him to recite.

This year is turning out some very good smaller films. I was happy to see that Away We Go is 10th on the top ten box office this week. I hope it can keep going and picking up momentum. When your senses are tired of the assault of summer, this is where you can rest and enjoy yourself.

Did you enjoy it?
Yes

Would you see it in theaters again?
No (maybe if I was with a group of people and everyone else wanted to see it)

Would you rent it?
Yes

Would you buy it?
Maybe. I think it would be a good entry to the collection.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
Yes

Moon

Sam Rockwell is the man. I defy you to look over his filmography and not like the acting he's done, regardless of what you think of the movie he was in. I first noticed him in Galaxy Quest. If you haven't seen it and are remotely interested in Star Trek or Star Wars, check it out. If you're not, still check it out.

Moon was directed by Duncan Jones. He's also known as David Bowie's son. He creates a fantastic looking movie for $5 million dollars. It's a small character piece about a man working solo on the moon. He has a 3 year contract that is up in 2 weeks. His only real daily communication is with Gerty (voiced by Kevin Spacey) the station's computer. Sadly, before he gets to go home, things start to happen. I don't want to give any more away.

I was definitely guessing what was going to happen next. Even when they let you know, you still feel that another twist is coming. This is good Science Fiction because it is regards to the setting, not the main focus. Yes, he's on the moon but it's really about a guy in isolation. I cannot recommend this one enough. If you're one of those people who goes to the theater and then decides what to see...if Moon is playing, just go.


Did you enjoy it?
Yes

Would you see it in theaters again?
Maybe. Now that I know it, I would be interested in seeing again to catch more details.

Would you rent it?
Yes

Would you buy it?
No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
Yes

HUMPDAY (with Director Q&A)

What can I say about the microbudget HUMPDAY. It stars one of the guys from the Blair Witch Project. All the shots are close-up or medium. The director said it was intentional because of her love of faces. All the sound is natural, I would assume (no one asked her). So it has a home movie feel to it.

Lynn Shelton was on hand for the screening. She is credited as the writer for the movie, but admitted that other than scene outlines, it was all improv. She said that her movies are about being actor friendly and let them be involved in developing the characters.

It's not joke a minute, but there are some good hearty laughs in this movie. This is true indie cinema. If you go in knowing that you're not getting a studio picture, then you are free to enjoy yourself.

Did you enjoy it?
Yes

Would you see it in theaters again?
No

Would you rent it?
No

Would you buy it?
No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
No

Chud.Com loves my pictures

On my blog link section I have a link to Chud.com. Run by a few funny bearded guys, it's a movie news website, but more than that.

Occasionally Nick does "List of the Dumb" where people snap photos of funny signs, etc. I have now been lucky enough to be included twice.

http://chud.com/articles/articles/20012/1/THE-LIST-OF-DUMB-59/Page1.html

http://chud.com/articles/articles/16556/1/THE-LIST-OF-DUMB-42/Page1.html

If anyone listens to podcasts during their commute, I would suggest downloading a couple. You can search on iTunes and no it is not the Beer Report, it's the other one.

Aught 10 is Just Around the Corner: A list of TV shows

A few weeks ago post volleyball we were talking about top shows of the decade. The 2000's or whatever you call them (I like the old timey 'Aught') are almost gone. At a later date we'll get into movies and music. Today we're going through TV shows.

Let's do comedy (not ranked, just listed):

30 Rock.

When Tina Fey left SNL to do a show about SNL I thought of Tracy Morgan's terrible NBC comedy "The Tracy Morgan Show" (I guess I shouldn't speak ill of it since I only saw one episode). That year will live in infamy because NBC had 2 TV shows about late night sketch shows. The other was Aaron Sorkin's "Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip" (or Qs, as it was called at my house...don't ask). I like Tina Fey and would watch but Qs was the show I would have bet on to win (win what? who knows). I say the episode where it really started to find it's ground is episode 3 "The Blind Date". And the show hasn't stopped. It left Qs in the dust. The show is showered with Emmy's every year. It's got one of the best and most surprising ensemble on TV. Here's hoping it stays alive longer than our next show on the list...

Arrested Development.

Anyone who doesn't have this show on their list of best shows for the decade (or ever) are simply crazy. Or have no sense of humor. Find these people. Stop being their friends. Step on their feet. Entertainment Weekly had an advanced screening in Chicago before it premiered on Fox. I saw the magazine ad and thought to myself "What the fart is this show?" Interesting cast. I'm sure it will be terrible. The only smart thing Fox has done in the past 10 years was to put this show on Sunday nights. Otherwise I may have been late to the party. I loved this show so much that when Fox decided to kill it and air its last 4 episodes back to back, I had helped organize a party at a local bar for friends to gather and mourn. It is a show that helped gain an immediate bond with one of my closest friends, Mark. Every week at flag football we'd do Buster impressions. Go out and watch it if you've been living under a rock.

Ed.

I bet a lot of you just went "You're right! I totally forgot about Ed!" This show introduced the world to the wonder of Tom Cavanaugh. We fell in love with Carol Vessy. We wanted to give Warren Cheswick a big hug. Another show that was cut short by lack of American viewers with Nielsen boxes watching (man, I wish I had a Nielsen box). It started to lose its footing in later episodes (don't get me started about changing the theme from Foo Fighters to Clem Snide). But when its death rattle was heard, they finished strong. I could probably do a post of great shows cut down too early.

Scrubs.

I would like to thank my old roommate Sara for helping me with this show. She was the one watching when I pulled up next to her on the couch. Never watched it during the first season. But, back when network TV re-ran their shows by season during the summer months, I caught up quick. What's this? A sitcom without a laughtrack? Single camera format? Is this a fever dream? It paved the way for 3 other shows on this list. The going got rough during season 5(or 6, I can't recall). The musical episode is a turd (coming from a man who loves the Buffy muscial episode and musicals in general). But when show creator Bill Lawrence got more heavily involved the show magically got funny again. I do think it is a mistake to come back for season 9. It was given a chance to end perfectly. Sometimes you let sleeping dogs lie. Regardless, it makes the list.

The Office (US).

Yeah yeah. It's nothing without the British version coming first. They did it so much better. Blah blah. I love the british version but its like comparing apples to American apples. The NBC show has created like 5x as many shows from the wonderful seeds of the British version. Lets just say my list is an American list. They've done some things that would be the death of other shows (main character moving elsewhere, adding a new group of castmates midstride). You can always rely on this show to at worst provide a few chuckles over 20 minutes. Steve Carrell is magic.

...and of course drama:

Alias

J.J. Abrams came onto the scene with Felicity. That's the last guy I would expect to make a plot rich spy story. As with every show there were ups and downs in quality. But, when it came to the last season they were able to fire on all cylinders and go out strong. The main theme throughout was family. If you haven't seen it, definitely get disc one of season one and see if it's for you. And you can thank me later.

Lost

Really? Do I really need to say anything? For those of you who have been able to hold out for this long (ERIC!), a couple years ago the creators decided to have a finite finish point and not just go on until it was cancelled (X-Files, I'm looking at you). I dare anyone to watch the first episode and not continue. My suggestion at this point would be to wait until it has finished its run next year and just go through all of the seasons on DVD.

The OC

I challenge anyone to the same deal I mentioned above. Watch the first 3 episodes of the O.C. and thank me later. What set this show apart from all the other teen crap is the comedy. I hesitated to put it under the comedy section but at it's heart it was a drama. The scene where Ryan Atwood talks to his court appointed lawyer about retirement, that's when I knew this was something smart. The pilot was directed by Doug Liman. McG was a producer (hey, don't hold that against the show). People always said "Do you watch One Tree Hill?" whenever I said I watched the OC. Obviously those people are idiots. Yes, like any show (Scrubs, Alias, Lost, Buffy, Angel) when the creator moves on to other things the quality went down. But season 4 came back and they were again allowed to finish strong. If anything, just watch the first season. It's packed to the gills with 4 season's worth of story lines. TOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIVER!

The Shield

I came into this show late. Thankfully on cable, you have shortened seasons that are repeated ad naesuem. Most people will throw this and the Wire in the same breath. HBO's the Wire had the luck of being on a pay channel and got away with a lot more....but the Shield still got away with a lot. I saw butts, I heard swears. This was based on the rampart team on the L.A. Police Dept. In fact the original title of the show was Rampart. This show was amazily rooted in real life. No choices were not without their consequences. People were arrested, killed and tortured. No member of the team got out unscathed before their final bow earlier this year.

The Wire

Like Lost and Arrested and really all the shows on my end-all-be-all list there is not a lot to say without going on forever. I started watching this show a week after the last episode aired on HBO. I'm glad I did because I don't think I could have waited. I stayed home on a Friday to watch season 3. This makes the Shield look like it's downy cousin! Again, just put it on your Netflix queue and thank me later.




Thank me later forever!

*runner's up: Clone High, Andy Richter Controls the Universe