Labyrinth puts a Spell on Mark (guest reviewer)

Labyrinth.

I found this on IMDB regarding David Bowie: "He himself also seems to have lost interest in movie acting."

And with good reason. Jeff and I decided to follow up our midnight Music Box viewing of "The Dark Crystal" with a midnight viewing of "Labyrinth". I was amazed that there were about 40 other people in the theatre, much more than TDC brough in, maybe even more than the midnight "Blade Runner" showing about a year ago. Jeff claims it's Bowie fanatics, I guess, but that would be like Bruce Willis fanatics (Jeff) going to see Hudson Hawk. Even if you like the guy, why would you want to watch one of his worst performances?

I love "The Dark Crystal", it's puppetry, the storyline, the spooky/creepy feeling you get while watching it. Labyrinth also gives you a spooky/creepy feeling, but that is mostly a result of the gratuitous crotch shots of David Bowie in his skin tight leotard. I'm talking like more than 10 close ups of Bowies hangdown. Gross. And yes, I like Jennifer Connelly as much as the next guy, but were talking a near pre-pubescent Jennifer Connolly, not the "Career Opportunities" Jenniffer Connelly of my dreams. On top of the crotch shots, there is a scene at the end where Bowie and Connelly are in this like dream, dance, masquerade thing where Bowie is trying seduce her. In the movie she plays this young girl, so it's just weird and creepy in a whole other new and terrible way.

I struggled to stay for the entire film, it was that bad. If I never hear "Magic Dance" again it will be too soon. How in the hell did that make it into the movie? Easily the worst song ever, and again with the Bowie crotch shots throught the musical number.

If you remember this movie from your childhood as anything positive, don't watch it again, you will be dissapointed. If you've never seen it, don't. I wish I hadn't. At least we had a Thax sighting. Always good to see him. Good o'l Thax. And he was not in a leaotard.

Did you enjoy it?

No

Would you see it in theaters again?
No

Would you rent it?

No

Would you buy it?

No

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?

No

--With Regards,

Mark.