Friday, September 11, 2009

Summer Rodeo Roundup

In Chicago we've had one of the mildest summer's since Almanacs were invented. That's great for a fair skinned albino like myself. But it's been nice to have hot days without immediately having my clothes drenched in sweat. All told, coming off the writer's strike last year we were expecting it to be a mild summer for movies. Thinking of a couple in particular (Star Trek and GI Joe) if they hadn't been handcuffed by the writer's strike, they could have been doubly amazing. As it stands now, they're pretty great anyways. So, let's travel back through the summer that was with our Summer Rodeo Roundup. Yeehaw.

Hey, Cowpokes! Hate romance? Tired of spending the 1st act of a movie learning all the quirks of our love birds. Spending the 2nd act watching them falling in love. Oh wait, what just happened? The second act ended with a misunderstanding or revelation that broke up our couple? OH NO! Shoo! They made it just in time for the movie to end. Barf. Well, then go see The Proposal. If that's not for you, then the winner is (500) Days of Summer. A great movie with a refreshing perspective and a couple of likable (yet human) lead characters.

I only saw one cartoon this summer. Really its the only one that would have won and counted anyways... UP. Gorgeous. Touching. It lassoed my heart and hogtied it to the ground. If you aren't touched by the opening scene then you're a robot and I don't want to be friends.

Oh my gosh! That cowboy just got bucked by a bronco. We the audience are waiting to see if he's going to get up. So dramatic, all this tension. Oh he's okay. That was worse that the Holocaust. No wait, no it wasn't. What it was might be the worst transition for me to discuss Inglorious Basterds. You'd think this would be filed under action. Well, friend, then you don't know Tarantino. Sure, there is some action in it. But what makes this little bull a winner are the quieter more, dare I say, dramatic moments.

Here come the rodeo clowns (yeah yeah yeah). Oh wow. One of them is missing a tooth. Classic. There's a short fat one wearing tight clothes. Clowns clowning around. You know where their located? Vegas. If they don't stop drinking they're going to get a Hangover. I went to the rodeo twice to see these clowns and they split my sides both times.

The horses are acting weird. They can usually sense something. Remember that one in Ring that jumped to it's death from the boat. Yeah, horses know. I feel like I should go to church. I don't want the Devil to Drag Me To Hell. That would be terrifying.

Remember that time when the bull jumped into the crowd? I was sitting next to a guy that got gored by the bull's horns. After we all got back to our seats I heard a woman say she loved all the action but felt bad for the guy who got put in The Hurt Locker. And that guy came back to his seat after getting patched up.

The most unbelievable part of this rodeo is all the aliens in the crowd. Total science fiction. Can't they read the signs? Human Only. No prawns allowed. Isn't there a can of cat food for them to eat somewhere. I wish they'd just go back to District 9 already.

The best part about a rodeo is you know what you're going to get. It's brand recognition. Every time I go, I know what I'm in for. Sure, sometimes bulls don't jump into the bleachers. Sometimes the clowns aren't funny, but for the most part, you get what you'd expect. It's like that TV show that was made into a bunch of movies. And then a bunch of spin off shows. And then some more movies. Then this summer that had a sequel / prequel / new path. You know, Star Trek. That was a good movie.

Well, summer is over. No more state fairs. No more rodeos. Eight winners in this summer's rodeo. Giddy up.


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