Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Expendables

The Expendables. The manliest movie of all time. Eh, just a second. Maybe not. Sure there are a lot of veiny juicers in this. Sure I can barely make out what Sly and Mickey Rouke and Dolph Lundgren and Jet Li say. It's funny when the limey brit has the clearest speech.

It is good to see Charisma Carpenter in a role. She's still looking good. But is that enough? Nope. Especially when she's not using her assets to make it a true 80's throwback film.

The Schwartzenegger, Stallone, Bruno scene. Pretty terrible. So rough. The plot itself is threadbare. We're badass, but we protect the little guy. We're super sensitive. Love us!

Stallone shoots the movie with that terrible frenetic action where you can't see anything. At least in RAMBO I could see him make those people into a sticky mess. Here everything is at night and quick cut. And I swear to God that he's running like an old man with a limp the entire time. It's so comical.

Glad I saw it, so I can say I have. Now let's never talk about it again.

Did you enjoy it?
Eh. Barely.

Would you see it in theaters again?

Would you buy it?

Would you rent it?
Probably not.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?


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