Alice in Burton Land

Alice in Wonderland is a tale ripe for the world of Tim Burton. In the documentary "Waking Sleeping Beauty" a young TB can be seen cutting his teeth in the industry. So he grew up in the Mouse House. His films are visually unusual. Sometimes to great effect (Ed Scissors; Big Fish) sometimes not so much (Planet of the Apes). But regardless, you're expecting certain things. And he delivers those things.

What does he deliver? Bad action scenes. No heart (like most of his films, the two I listed favorably above withstanding). Even in IMAX 3D I was left unimpressed. There were moments, but fleeting. Crispin Glover gives a reigned in performace. You're in Alice in Wonderland, go nuts! Johnny Depp is getting on my nerves. What he did with great vigor in the first Pirates movie (Oscar nom) is now tired, no matter what character he plays. His Mad Hatter is a hero. That's the first mistake. I was going to put up his poster on this post to emphasize my point, but I'd rather look at Anne Hathaway. All the commericals revolve around the Hatter. Which is another problem, they hired a good person to play an older Alice (yes this is a sequel, not remake).

This sequel is half arsed at best. They go out of their way to make it a different tale but don't use it to good effect. They use it as a way to get an older person to play Alice and to let the Mad Hatter have a more prominent role (again as a hero). FAIL.

The bright spot is Anne Hathaway. She walks around as the White Queen with her arms in the air at all times. She flitters and flutters. She looks like the only person having fun. Other than that, its drab (even when it's full of colors) and boring and long. They tell Alice what she has to do from the moment she's in "Underland" but we take the boring ride for her to "discover her path".

Ham fisted, no clever tricks or riddles from previous versions (or the books). Since the writers on Lost love Alice so much, maybe we can get them on board to write a sequel. Which there will be since this movie made a gross amount of money. Just don't let them work a submarine into the plot...

Did you enjoy it?
Eh.

Would you see it in theaters again?
Negative.

Would you rent it?
Pass.

Would you buy it?
No.

Would you watch it if you saw it was on TV?
No.